Hooboy... between books and blogging... what happened to my life?

I started this blog up ~ uh over a year-and-a-half ago ~ as a way to put down my thoughts. I've always enjoyed writing; it's been a release, a way to focus, a way to come to terms with *stuff* and, over the last couple of years, to talk about books that I've read ~ courtesy of eHarlequin.com and their yearly "Book Challenge".
In 2007 I joined the eHar community's 2007 10,000 Book Challenge and read in excess of 450 books.... This year, 2008, the challenge is for the group to read 100,000 books with a corresponding number of books being given to literacy groups by eHarlequin. Talk about a good cause! And reading is something I do regardless ~ I've been reading for nearly all my life and there have been times over the years that books were what saved me... literally!

I've been dealing with depression for most of my life ~ since about 10 years of age ~ but wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 30. This was after having 3 children and a couple of miscarriages. Things finally got to the point where I was beginning to think of suicide and my family doctor, after my husband mentioned my extreme moodiness, told Joe to get me into see him pronto.
It was 2 or 3 weeks after starting the antidepressant Elavil that, one morning, I got up and it was as if someone had switched on a light. That is still the strongest image that I can come up with. For the first time that I could remember I actually felt ... as though I had a life... actually it was as though it was the first time I'd felt anything. Of course I know that that wasn't true; after all I'd been an honour student throughout school, had an excellent job (and work ethic), met a man that I knew was the one that I could, and wanted to, spend the rest of my life with and had three beautiful children. But for so many years I'd lived under a dark cloud so, that when it was no longer hanging above my head ~ metaphorically speaking of course ~ everything around me was brighter and I felt stronger and... I don't know... just FELT is the one thing that I keep coming back to.

So, it's been coming up on 20 years now that I've been aware of living with depression. I now have four children: a son, Stephen, 24 ½ and three daughters, Lisa, 23 yesterday; Meagan now 21 and Teresa, 16. My husband and I are headed for our 25th wedding anniversary this December and things are only getting better for us. I'm babysitting ~ something I've been doing from my home for 17 years, and life is a lot more interesting.

I'm on antidepressants, and will be for the rest of my life, and I'm usually okay. Not *the world is an amazing place all the time* fantastic, but I'm doing good (yeah okay I know that grammatically that's a terrible thing to say, but it works for me.)
I figure that now, for the most part, I'm still fighting the behaviours that I developed over years of unknowingly living with depression... but I've made a LOT of progress.... It's just not a finished project yet... and THAT is something that I've only recently realized. Guess you're never too old to learn new things, eh?

And I think I've spent enough time going on about myself. But I think that, now that I've started, I'll be coming back here a little more regularly.
After all, there are a few blogs here that I check out somewhat regularly ~ Rhianna Samuels' Ramblings by Rhianna and Madame Butterfly's book reviews, AuthorIsland, DIK, author Margaret Moore and multi-author blog Running With Quills .... hmmm, see a pattern here? LOL

Have a good one people!