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Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday... the start to yet another week

*sigh* Someday's it is very hard to get up and going... but today wasn't really one of them.
Granted the fact that the family that I babysit for is on holidays in Hawaii for two weeks could have something to do with that... unplanned holidays are so much fun! And by unplanned I mean my holiday.
Yes, I'm still at home doing the things SAHM's do... but I don't have to do it around two little 'uns and that is, while not really a treat ~ sure does make everything a lot easier.
Don't get me wrong, I love Tristan and Charlie to death. They're great little kids and I adore their parents. Probably 'cause they parent like I do; it always makes it easier when the people that you provide childcare for do things basically the same way when it comes to child-rearing. And I know from many years of personal experience just how much easier and more pleasant it is!

But while today I'm feeling pretty good, the weekend was so-so. No, no big dinner parties, no company over ~ so I was allowed to be my usual lazy, hermity self (I'm not quite that bad... but you get the point). But there were a couple things that did tend to loom.

On Saturday it would have been my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I mean, I knew it was their anniversary and I'm usually very much on top of which anniversary or birthday which member of the extended family is having ~ but ever since dad died March 12, 2004, it's like I've stopped thinking of numbers in relation to him.
Yes I still remember his anniversary, October 18 ~ and his birthday October 29th... but putting numbers with these dates just isn't something I do. It would have been, as I said, mom and dad's 50th anniversary and in nine days it would have been dad's 73rd birthday... did I mention that he was only 68 when he died? That one still really gets me. Anyway, mom has been very hard to get ahold of this weekend. She and dad were more than just married and very close, they were best friends and love-of-all-time for each other. And seeing her going through all the sorrow is breaking my heart.
Granted she's recovering very well, but dates ~ well, they're always really hard. All I can say is "Thank GOD she now has herself a dog...." Maurice became hers back just over two weeks ago and I know for a fact that he's added so much life to her days.
Over the last few months mom looked after our little guy when we had a few out-of-town trips (weekend to Drumheller with our youngest Teresa and DH's dad's funeral a few weeks later) and she was so much more like herself that it was a joy to behold. So she finally went out and got a companion for herself.
But as I was saying, this weekend was hard for her!

And our poor little guy, Mitka, is now 13 years old and not having a great time of it. Mitka is a toy poodle and he's been part of our family now for 12½ years, but the last month or so has seen a deterioration in his health. Nothing major, but he's got arthritis and his front right *elbow* is strongly affected. In fact he's been in a splint now for over a week; he's taking anti-inflammatories 4 of 7 days and blood pressure medication every day. And he hops ~ that's pretty much the only way to describe his locomotion.
With his front right leg out of use with the arthritis / splint thing and his back right leg off the ground more than on it, Mitka hops on his two left legs... nearly 100% of the time... Really!
I mean, yes, it's funny to watch him... but when there doesn't seem to be any end in sight? Not so funny any longer.
And I've been at the veterinary clinic every week over the last month-and-a-half. X-rays and sending them out to be diagnosed? $300... then we had to return so they could do them again 'cause they got lost. We didn't have to pay that time, but still I'm sitting around for over an hour(Oh, did I mention that I'm allergic to animals? And how much fun it is to sit surrounded by cats and dogs? Yeah, I know... ) Mitka's yelping in the background from time-to-time 'cause damn it, it HURTS having to have his leg stretched out so they can take the Da** pictures. Okay, I'm fine.
We've been through it all ~ visits to have the splint covering his elbow so that his leg is straight ~ $35... and on Thursday I've got an appointment for him for Aqua Therapy.... Initial consultation cost? $150 + tax
Now I'm not overly concerned about the money ~ after all Mitka's been a major part of our family for years ~ but Joe does get a little uptight about it; that's just his way and I'm not faulting him for anything. But the worst is knowing that this wonderful member of our family is just not up to par. He's still his same loveable self ~ man is he ~ but he's slower, and I know that he's hurting... not that you'd ever know it by the way he behaves.
He's been the nicest, most lovingest and Wonderful dog and knowing that he's not got 13 years left ~ maybe two? ~ hurts.

It hurts when I watch Teresa cuddling him ~ and then I can tell when she's thinking of the time that he's not going to be around anymore and I want to cry. After all, we got Mitka in March of 1996 ~ Teresa was 3¾. He's been a part of her life for as long as she can remember. Even the older kids feel the same way. Meagan was 8¾, Lisa 10½ and Stephen almost 12 ... but Mitka's made a place for himself in our hearts and in our minds that will not soon disappear.
What I absolutely, totally dread is if Mitka dies before Lisa's back in Canada. God, she was distraught when her Gido died and she was soooo far away ~ and the only one not there. But Mitka? Man, he and Lisa bonded fast and strong. Next to me, she was his favourite.

Okay.... deep breath.
As you can see it's been an emotional time ~ so much loss over the last while. Joe and I have now both lost our dads; our oldest daughter is half a world away in Cairo; and our Mitka is now REALLY seeming old and he'll be gone long before we're ready for it.
Me? Emotional? Nah....

Yeah.... but that's me; it's who I am; I love hard, fast and long.... and forever.

Now I hope that this isn't too depressing... but, overall, I do feel better. Thank heavens for places where I can write (okay type, 'cause it's a LOT faster than writing) down as I'm feeling... it really does help.

Have a great day ~ and a wonderful start to a new week! And now I'm smiling!


  1. Kathy, you go right ahead and pour you heart out. It feels good, doesn't it? :)

    Me, I'm an emotional holder. I rarely share what's going on with me, especially if I'm having a really hard time of it. I quietly deal. Most people never have a clue when I'm going through hell. I have no trouble sharing the good stuff though. :)

    But I never mind when people need to dump or share what's going on with them. It's easier for me at any rate. I love it actually when people go off. Maybe because I won't allow myself to.

    Sorry you're going through stuff. You sound like you're taking it all in stride though.

    Don't you find it harder though to deal with someone you love having a painful time? I can deal with my own pain over death, loss, disappointment and such, but watching someone I love go through that really rips me apart. Especially when really there's no way to protect someone from feeling pain and loss. Everyone has to go through it and learn how to cope. But it's especially hard when it's someone I love.

    Keep writing. I love to read about your life. I think normal everyday lives are very interesting.

  2. Leah, pouring my heart out usually isn't difficult... the hard part is knowing when to stop!

    And my DH is a lot like you in that he's reluctant to let stuff out... I think that has something to do with the fact that he's got Crohn's. But he's getting better at vocalizing and I'm ~hopefully~ getting better at moving on.

    "Don't you find it harder though to deal with someone you love having a painful time? I can deal with my own pain over death, loss, disappointment and such, but watching someone I love go through that really rips me apart."

    Jeepers, if it was only me, it'd be a breeze, relatively speaking. Watching / knowing that stuff is hurting my kids, my husband, my mom... anyone, and I can't DO something about it is the hard part.
    I remember when my daughter Meagan was 2 and 3 and going through cystograms and all other tests for her bladder & kidneys; I wanted to bawl 'cause I couldn't explain to her *why* all those things were happening. All I could do was hold her hand and comfort her afterwards. SH!T... that still really gets to me ~ and she's 21 now!

    Ah well, life happens and sometimes it sucks. The trick is to hold onto what you have and what helps and just go on.
    And being able to vent ~ and have someone validate what I'm going on about? Priceless! LOL

    Thanks, Leah.